the biggest mistake every woman makes
I'm taking singing lessons.
What does that have to do with wellness? Kind of everything. Here’s what I mean. When you were growing up, it’s possible your parents put you in lessons of some sort or you signed up for an afterschool activity. As a result, you had years of rehearsals, performances, games, matches, tournaments, or concerts. You poured your life into that one activity, and maybe your young identity was even tied to it. Anyone who knew you growing up knew you as the queen of ___ (fill in the blank). For me, it was choir and dance, which eventually led to cheerleading. I was never good at sports, so I never played them. I was, however, a talented dancer and semi-talented singer, and I dedicated my life to studying dance — not in a class, though. We had very little money growing up and my single mama could not afford lessons, so I took it upon myself to learn. I rented videos from Blockbuster like The Making of Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation. I checked out books on ballet and learned words like pique and jete. I watched MTV from sunup to sundown. Then I auditioned for my elementary school talent show desperately hoping that I would make it in. I did and soon became known as my school’s dancing queen.In high school, I became a cheerleader and literally lived my best life. Give me the largest audience you could, and I thrived. I even cheered on my college squad.
You know the expression, “Dance like no one is watching”? The opposite is true for me. Give me a crowd and I turn it on.
For half a minute, I danced professionally for a company but it didn’t last because of career, bills, marriage, kids… I eventually lost sight of what I really loved.
Then one early June Monday morning this year, I (and every other mom in our area) was on my local parks and recreation website signing my kids up for camps, spending my hard-earned money so they can get into the best LEGO and gymnastics summer groups.
And I suddenly thought, What about me? What about the creativity I once had? I want that back! So I decided to sign myself up for something … but what?
I realized that I had lost myself. I used to have so much play in my life and somewhere in the process of motherhood, career, military life, marriage, I had lost it. I didn't like this look on me. If I am being honest, the look was a little bit of bitterness. Maybe not glaring and obvious but if I really took a look inside, I could see the little pinpricks of identity loss, that showed up as irritation. Do you know what I mean? A lifetime of sight-reading music, clapping our rhythms, and performing for an audience seemed so far away, but maybe it didn't have to be. So I found a music teacher and signed myself up for vocal lessons, and I've had one lesson so far. Reading music, warming up to scales, and singing Italian classical music was not what I thought I would be doing a month ago, but I could not be happier, even though it's really hard. I don't remember how to read music, and my voice isn't as strong, so it cracks in my upper register. It's a little humbling to have a twenty-something teach you things you used to know like the back of your hand, but that now feels like a distant memory. But you know what? I don't care. I feel alive. I have woken myself up to the realization that I matter too. That I am so much more than a mom.
Do you love to cook? Did you play league soccer? Not a strong swimmer? Take the class. The time is now.
Everyone in my hometown knew me as a dancer and a singer, yet everyone now knows me as a mom. But what if people could know me as Kiesha: singer, dancer, writer, mama, teacher, creative, terrible baker, car karaoke master? There is so much more to me — and there is so much more to you. And making your own joy a priority is an essential part of your overall wellness.
So what can you do to rediscover (or discover for the first time) the things that connect you with your best self?
Looking for affordable ways to reconnect with your lost love?
Themed Meet-up groupsFacebook groups- to get good suggestionsYour local Parks & Rec will have affordable class optionsCommunity Colleges + Universities often have cheaper courses that you can audit {take without earning credit}Dance/Yoga/Pilates studios often have community classes or will allow you to trade your time by working or cleaning. You can find great intro specials too. Many stores {like Lulu Lemon} have free store-sponsored events.